she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
