Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
