if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
