Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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