My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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