you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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