He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Of course I have a pirate flag
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize