I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
