As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
