First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
