hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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