I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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