well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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