I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
