I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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