he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
