I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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