goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
