First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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