Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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