I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize