i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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