in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
