Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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