You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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