She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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