I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
