I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
