do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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