and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
