I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
