butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
