I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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