The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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