Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
