I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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