Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
