How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am one with the molecules
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
