you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
