3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we have pet lesbian snakes
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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