i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
