did you get engaged???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
