I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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