i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
