Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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