When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
