are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
