well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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