have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
