they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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