She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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