I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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