ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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