shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
