I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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