How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
