wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
