Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i now understand why vodka
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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