I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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