So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
