I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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