I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
