Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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