Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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