Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
