i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
