forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We named our party play list daddy issues
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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