well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
