please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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