I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
