he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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