Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
