Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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