did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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