I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
