love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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