I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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