so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
