He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
