dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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