miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
