I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
