i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
