Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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