Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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