all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
