Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize