Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
