I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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