Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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