Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
